The Second Time Around

When I was pregnant with my 2nd child I worried, okay about a lot of things. Which is not too far from normal for me. But one of the things I worried about is whether everything would feel like it had already been done.

Would I be excited when she rolled over for the first time? Would her first steps be all over facebook?

She’s now 8 months and many of her first milestones have already come and gone.

I was just as excited when she rolled over.  I could not have been more proud seeing her learn to crawl or pull herself up for the first time. I’m no longer worried that my excitement will be less because she’s not my first. Because they are still her firsts. And those firsts are exciting.

But it is different. With two kids, I’m more distracted and there’s less down time. I have to put in more of an effort to write things down in her baby book and it will in all likelihood have much less written in it than her older brother’s. And more of her firsts will probably not get photographed or written up in a status update. So one day, it may look to her that I was less excited. But even if one day she feels that way, I know it’s not true.

There was one aspect of having a second child that did surprise me though. I know they’ll fight and bicker (believe me that has already started!) but I was really surprised with how much they love each other already and how young Nicole was when they started playing together. They are three years apart - I had expected it to be a long time before they would really connect. But I was really wrong about that. Gordie loves to make her laugh and already they entertain each other. Nicole’s favorite thing to play with is whatever Gordie’s playing with. She’ll chase him down the hall and cry when he leaves the room. Sure sometimes it drives Gordie bonkers when he wants to play with his toys and she’s right there trying to play with him but he adores her too. It’s hard to resist someone who loves you so much.

It’s not always easy having two little kids. In fact it often isn’t. It’s a very challenging time period. But seeing your babies develop into their own people with their own personalities is one of the most exciting things there is.

The White Jacket–The Gift of Surprise

In a million years I would never buy a white jacket for a baby. I’m way to practical for that. I wouldn’t even buy a white jacket for myself.

But I was given one for Nicole in a bunch of hand-me-downs, so I kept it. I adore this jacket. It is fluffy and cute, it looks cozy and warm, it sets off Nicole skin tone beautifully. I put her in it every chance I get. But I never ever ever would have picked it out. Like ever.

I had a similar thing happen when Gordie was born. A friend gave us a little romper with short sleeves and… short pants(?) and a hood. Made of terry cloth. I couldn’t imagine under what conditions you would require a warm outfit, with a hood, and dangly limbs. But the freaking thing was adorable. We ended up buying the next two sizes because it was so cute. But I wouldn’t have bought that either.

That’s one of the things that I love about getting and giving gifts that people haven’t asked for. Sure, it’s nice to know they’re going to love it, and it’s nice getting something you really wanted, but you miss out on those surprises. The things you never knew you wanted. Or maybe even thought you wouldn’t like.

Do you like being surprised with gifts? Or do you prefer to pick things out yourself?

We’re Doing Really Well and Other Lies

(I wrote this just after I had Nicole, but only managed to actually publish it today – 3 months later)

Okay, so it’s not a lie exactly. Our baby Nicole was born last week (8 lbs 10 oz) and we’re now settling in at home. We are both healthy and happy and doing really well. But it sure leaves out a lot of details and makes things sound a lot better than they really are. I think sometimes lies like these can really hurt other women. When you are in the same situation, you compare yourself to your friends and don’t seem to measure up. But you’re not comparing yourself to their reality, just what you see, just what they show you. Even when things are going really well with your new baby, things are still hard.

Lie #1. We’re happy to be home and are doing really well.

What this really means: I’m really hormonal and burst into tears at the drop of a hat.Seriously, someone tells me that my son is doing well at Grandma’s and doesn’t seem to miss me – tears. Someone tells me that he misses me and wants his mommy –tears. I can’t even remember all the things that have made me cry this past week. It is getting better. Yesterday it was only a few times, but writing this paragraph has made me cry too.

My body is sore and fatigued. I feel worn out just from making dinner. Not even cooking anything spectacular – I carved a rotisserie chicken, spooned out a couple salads and warmed up some beans and tomatoes and was exhausted. Nicole was born via c-section – my stomach hurts. It’s generally controlled with advil and tylenol but it’s still tender and uncomfortable.

I’m tired.

Lie # 2. She’s nursing really well.

This is also true. She’s been latching like a pro from the start. Honestly, I don’t know if it was possible for it to go better. But it still sometimes hurts just from the power of her suck. A couple times one of my nipples bled a bit from where she shifted and chomped down too close. Sometimes I have to re-latch her a couple times to get in a good position. Sometimes it hurts just because my breasts are really full. Even when it’s going really, really well, doesn’t mean it’s easy.

There are more lies like this that I could talk about. But honestly, I’m just too tired to write any more. But things are going really well, really.

Did you de-emphasize your difficulties after having a baby? Did it seem harder for you than it did for everyone else?

Things That Drive Me Bonkers: Is She a Good Baby?

When people ask “Is she a good baby”, I think most of the time they are just being conversational and not really thinking about what they are saying. But really, it’s just not a very good question to ask parents.

Sure some babies are easier than others: some sleep better, cry less, are content more. That seems to be what people are getting at when they are asking the question. But it seems to implies that babies that have more difficulty, are bad babies. And there are no bad babies. Some babies do struggle more in the early stages of life, they cry a lot, they sleep like garbage, they find life pretty darn distressing. They don’t have an easy time, and neither do their parents. So why do people want to push this in their face?

My son was a terrible sleeper and I hated it when people asked me that question. Seriously what was I supposed to say? “No. he’s not. He’s kind of crap. I’m thinking of sending him back”? Instead, I’d usually say something like “yes, he’s a good baby. Not a great sleeper, but he’s a good baby.”

I had kind of forgotten about this until I had my daughter. People still ask this question all the time. For a small baby, she is a pretty good sleeper, she is pretty content and she doesn’t cry much. Overall, she’s been a pretty easy baby. But I refuse to support people in suggesting that defines whether she is a good baby. Because all babies are good, they are doing the best they can to deal with the world. What else can you expect of them? They are babies! So I tell people that “She’s a pretty easy baby.” And she is. But both my kids were really good babies.

Did you get this question with your babies? How did you handle it?.

Why I’m Okay With my Toddler Playing With An Ipad

 

It seems there is never an end to the number of things you can do to prove you are a less than adequate parent and nothing you can do to prove you are a great one. As someone who is used to being able to be successful when I put my mind to something, this can be a difficult adjustment. If you are not careful you can turn yourself inside out trying to do all the right things in an attempt to achieve something unachievable.

One of the latest topics along these lines is about how you shouldn’t be letting your kids (especially your young kids) play with your Ipad/Iphone. With the current popularity of smart phones and tablets and the proliferation of apps for them which are engaging to toddlers in a way that no other platform has managed to previously reach, this is really no surprise.

Every new form of media is subject to this criticism. Today, we are quite familiar with the criticism about kids and television, but you might be surprised to know that similar criticism was levelled against novels when they first became widely available as well.

Novels “written chiefly to the young, the ignorant, and the idle, to whom they serve as lectures of conduct, and introductions into life. They are the entertainment of minds unfurnished with ideas, and therefore easily susceptible of impressions”
-Samuel Johnson as quoted in The Cambridge History of Literary Criticism: The eighteenth century

They induce a 'bloated imagination, sickly judgment and disgust towards all the real business of life'
- Gentleman's Magazine, 58 (Nov. 1788) as quoted in The Cambridge History of Literary Criticism: The eighteenth century

To me, this suggests that it is not the media itself that is the issue, but what we fear it is replacing. In general these concerns boil down to: face to face communication (particularly with parents, caregivers and teachers), the instruction of morals and values, an active life style and engaging in diversions rather than productive work (or play as the case may be). Interestingly, these can all still be levelled against reading novels.

Am I suggesting that there is no downside to limitless screen time? No, I’m simply saying it’s nothing new. Furthermore, although I have recently read a couple of articles on the internet suggesting that we are using Ipads and Iphone as digital pacifers (certainly true at least in some cases and I’m not convinced that is always a bad thing) as well as the assertion that these devices with young children results in speech delay. However, although we may find this to be true, these are currently assumptions based on research on TV and kids and opinions (some ‘experts’ some not) rather than actual research on kids, ipads and speech development.

Ultimately, whatever the results of the studies (when they are conducted) end up being, research of this nature notoriously difficult to make real world conclusions about. This doesn’t mean that such research shouldn’t be done, we just need to be careful about decisions made based on it.

There are essentially two main methods that can be used to study concepts like this: experimental or observational. An experimental study might look something like this: half of a group of 3 and 4 year olds play with an Ipad app for 30 minutes and the other half play with blocks for 30 minutes. Then you evaluate them with some kind of measure that you had also administered prior to ‘play time’. Although the chances of any difference found between your two groups being a result of your manipulation (playing with an ipad vs not) there are a number of issues with this methodology in terms of real world conclusions.  First, the any difference is likely to be transient rather than a long term effect – although it’s possible that it may point to something long term, it’s impossible to know without examining the issue over a longer period of time. Additionally, there are a large variety of different apps that can be used with an Ipad with different levels of interactivity, educational content etc. There can also be a huge variation in how often and how long toddlers are using Ipads as well as how available they are to them.

As it is unlikely you will find parents willing to agree to participating in a study where researchers determine how much time and what apps their children can use over time, the only other realistic option is to examine Ipad use in Toddlers without manipulating it (observational study). Because of the lack of any planned intervention, it is impossible to determine whether Ipad use causes any effects found or whether they are due to some other factor. For instance, particularly at this point in time, it is a very select group of toddlers who have access to Ipads – they are going to tend to have parents that have more money than average, be tech savvy,  as well as a number of other possibilities. These factors could both be responsible for the research findings instead of the Ipad use itself. In addition, because not all groups of toddlers have equal access to Ipads, the findings may not be applicable to say, kids who’s parents have limited economic resources.

At any rate, in my opinion, as long as you ensure that your children still engage in other forms of play, get plenty of attention, physical activity and other good parenting basics, it is unlikely that your kid will suffer as a result of playing with an Ipad any more  than anything else you could do ‘wrong’.

There are also a number of benefits that I find personally to letting your toddler use your Iphone/Ipad.

1. It makes travelling easier. There is nothing that can compare with the amount of different kinds of travel friendly entertainment an Ipad can hold in such a compact amount of space. And honestly, isn’t everyone happier with an entertained toddler in a car or on a plane?

2. It can make it easier to take them to places where they have to wait. Whether it is a necessity like waiting for the doctor, or something fun like going out to eat at a restaurant, having an Ipad or a smart phone in reserve can make the whole experience more survivable and make it more likely that you won’t hesitate to do it again.

3. It can give you as a parent a much needed break. Can this be over used? Absolutely. But it is frequently different as a parent to get childcare relief on demand. If you’ve had a bad day and are in a terrible mood or are ill, are your kids really going to be worse off because they played a game on an ipad or better off because you were able to get some rest? Of course there are other kind of diversions that can be used for this purpose, this is just one method that I’ve appreciated having at my disposal.

You may have noticed that I didn’t mention any education effects on my list of benefits. Although there are things that I know Gordie has learned from using an Ipad, I don’t know it has been the best method to teach him those things, just a method. And honestly, to me, it doesn’t matter. I don’t think that any kid will suffer from not having access to an Ipad, I have found it beneficial as a parent, but kids catch on to these things so quickly, they are no danger of being behind their peers without one and there is nothing you can do on an ipad that you couldn’t do in another way.

So, do you let your kids play with your smart phone or Ipad? Does it make you feel guilty? Are there any benefits you’ve found that I didn’t think of?

Worries for My 2nd Child

As we await the arrival of our 2nd child, only a few weeks away, I think about some of the worries I have for her. It’s funny how different they are from the ones at the end of my first pregnancy.

Although some of my fears at that time, may in fact occur, I’m no longer stressed about whether I’ll be able to breastfeed or calm my baby, or so many of those first time mom worries. I know I’ll be (at least a little) less frazzled and definitely more confident right from the beginning.

But there are different things that occupy my mind this time around. I want this baby to feel special and valued. This didn’t concern me with my first baby. It seems easy to do with one. But with two there is balances and trade-offs and everything isn’t new anymore. There are few firsts that haven’t been done before by your first.

I’m planning a meet-the-baby party to welcome our new baby into the world. I know many people don’t think it’s appropriate to have a baby shower for subsequent children, but I think every child deserves to his/her birth to be celebrated. I want my 2nd child to have reams of photos taken of her as a baby and not have 90% of them include her older sibling. I want her to have a baby book where her milestones are recorded just like her big brother. I worry with those last two that I may be setting myself up for failure. (Even in the pregnancy photo on this post my son is visible playing in the background).

I wonder whether I’ll be able to get quality time alone with both of my kids. I wondering whether I’ll be able to be able to balance their different needs without inappropriately prioritizing one over the other. Will my two kids get along?

I know there will be things I struggle with that I never even considered. I know some of the things I worry about now will end up as real difficulties. And some of these things won’t end up as an issue at all. And I know, like every parent, I’ll never run out of things to worry about.

What did you worry about while you were transitioning from one to two kids? How did it actually go? Do you have any advice?

Having a C-section Sucks, but it’s Not all Bad

Now that I’m pregnant again, I’ve been reflecting on my previous experience with giving birth with mixed emotions. I ended up with a C-section the first go around. It was definitely not what I had hoped for, but it ended up being the only real choice.

This time around, I’ve requested a C-section. Not because I want one but because it seems like the best option available to me. The circumstances that lead to my first C-section are likely to recur and if you are going to have a C-section anyway, it’s much nicer to have a planned one than an emergency C-section after a long time of trying for a vaginal birth and not getting anywhere.

But I can’t say I feel 100% comfortable with the decision. I don’t feel that anyone pressured me into having a C-section – there really was no other option, but I do feel like my body failed me. I feel a little betrayed that it wouldn’t do so many of the things required to birth a baby. Perhaps part of the reason I don’t want to try again is because I don’t trust my body anymore? I don’t know. Regardless, this is not a decision I have made lightly and I do not suspect I’ll be changing my mind.

While I’m thinking about it, I thought I’d share a bit my first experience having a C-section. A few things that surprised me and a few benefits to having a C-section.

But first, a PSA:

Denying the possibility that you could end up having a C-section, will not ensure that you will not have one, but will ensure that you are not as prepared as you could be.

Trust me – if denial worked, I would not be writing this article. By all means think positively, but at the same time, don’t skip that section in your book or however you are preparing yourself and make sure you have a plan in place for if you need to be in the hospital for 3 days (or more).

Things that Surprised Me:

Even though you can’t feel any pain you can still feel everything. I did not see this coming. It is kind of creepy and this makes many people nauseous.

You will still bleed. Have pads in your bag. Big ones. These will also come in handy if your water breaks before you get to the hospital.

Some Benefits

Medical professionals stop being so interested in your lower lady parts.

There is no way you’re going to get an episiotomy and the ‘trauma’ to that general area is low.

You don’t have to wait any longer to have sex after having your baby or to have your next one than women who have vaginal births but you may be more likely to listen to the recommendations.

In Calgary you get priority for a private room. This can quickly turn into a negative as if there is not one available when you are getting your room they will not move you to a private room and you will be sharing for the whole 3 days.

Your husband or support person will probably change all the diapers in the first couple days.

So did you have a C-section? How did you feel about it? How did you decide whether to try for a vaginal birth or not afterwards? Did you feel as ambivalent about the decision as I do? Any other benefits I missed?

What’s Your Role When Your Kids are Outside? – Life Outside

Now that the Life Outdoors – Fall Challenge has been going on for a couple of weeks, I’ve noticed another set of expectations that I have for outdoor play that makes it seem like more work than just staying in.

I have no problem reading a book or writing a blog post while Gordie is happily playing by himself inside. But to take a book outside just seems so… deliberate. Like I am planning on ignoring my child.

It doesn’t really make sense does it? Just because I bring a book out, doesn’t mean I have to read it. And if it’s there, and Gordie is happily playing by himself, I’m going to have a much better time out there reading my book instead of tapping my foot until we go back in.

If the point is for Gordie to get outside, it doesn’t really matter what I’m doing does it? It’s about him, not me.

I think that being able to play independently is a really good skill for kids to have – both inside and outside. It’s not that I’m never going to play with him. I do and I will continue to do so all time. But letting him or even encouraging him to play by himself isn’t an inferior form of play.

So, this week I’m going to try to worry less about whether I’m being a good enough mom outside and just feel good that we are outside.

8 Things I Love About Cooler Weather

I can be a bit of a weather whiner – I don’t like it too hot, or too cold, or too windy. Luckily Calgary weather provides a lot of opportunities for people who like to complain about the weather. If you’re not unhappy with the weather right now, just wait, it’ll change soon enough. To shake things up a bit, instead of complaining I thought I’d write a list of things I look forward to with the cooling temperatures.

1. My Winter Duvet – there is nothing better than snuggling into a big fluffy duvet.

2. My Oven – Most of my favorite recipes involve my oven. Cooking is so much more fun when you don’t melt while you do it.

3. No Bugs! – The best thing about freezing cold weather – it kills off all the bugs.

4. Hot Drinks – I love warming my hands on a hot mug of tea.

5. Jackets – my seatbelt always sits better when I’m wearing a jacket, I hate it rubbing against my skin.

6. No sunscreen – I don’t have to worry about Gordie getting a sunburn while we are playing outside.

7. You can always put on more clothes but there is a limit to how much you can take off.

8. Fall TV – What can I say? I love my TV shows.

I was going for 10 things but I still really miss summer. Maybe I’ll have to read my list again.

Just Call Me Mother of the Year

My friend Jen, writes an awesome blog over at Family, Food, Fitness and Fun. She wrote a post called “Just Call Me Mother of the Year” that I would encourage you all to read.  It inspired me to get back to blogging and to write this post.

This is why I think I should be awarded the title of Mother of the Year.

Reason #1 – Gordie didn’t do any kind of art all summer including coloring. My Calgary Playground Review blog showed all the outdoor activity we did, but what it didn’t show was that was ALL we did. We went out in the morning to a playground and the most impressive thing we did after that was having a nap.

Reason #2 – This month Gordie and I have hardly left the house. Although I finally did get some art supplies, we’ve hardly gone anywhere. I don’t think we’ve gone to a single playground, and even on the really nice days we often just stay home. Kids don’t need sunlight and fresh air do they?

Reason #3 – Gordie often wears pajamas from nap time until bed time. Gordie often asks to wear pajamas for nap – and anything that is going to make him sleep better I’m all for. But seriously, how often am I supposed to change his clothes? If we’re not going anywhere, he is likely to wear them until he goes to bed.

Reason #4 – I think I spend more time looking for fun things to do with Gordie than actually doing them. But I have an awesome board on pinterest filled with ideas – it’s almost as good right?

Reason #5 – I hate singing Gordie his bedtime song. I know some lullabies that I really love, Douglas Mountain, Morningtime Ride, Baby’s Boat. But I end up singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, every single night and for every nap. Really, the song is just not that great.

Reason #6 – I’m finding it really difficult to get my energy together to make good food. One time Gordie ate Kraft Dinner for lunch, dinner and lunch again the next day.

Those are just a few of the reasons why I think I deserve the title of Mother of the Year. How about you? Any confessions to make?

Traveling to US National Parks with Kids

My husband and I took our son Gordie (2 years old) on an 9-day driving trip from Calgary in early June to see Yellowstone National Park, Devil’s Tower National Monument, Mount Rushmore National Monument, the Badlands National Park, Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument and Deadwood National Historic Landmark.

Last year we took him to Yellowstone and Glacier National Parks in late June. I love history and am fascinated by interesting geology so the US national parks have natural appeal for me. I’m going to blog about the different areas we visited this year in future posts but I thought I’d write about some overall thoughts first.

Although the mandates of the Canadian and US National parks are quite similar, from my experience, the US national park service puts more of a focus on making the enjoyment of the national parks accessible for everyone.

1. Passport Book

My first suggestion if you’re planning on visiting a few National Parks/Monuments on this trip or in the future is to get a Passport Book. They are inexpensive (around $10US) and you can collect free ink stamps with the date and location at all the National Park visitor centres. Most places also have a unique stamp for the park (see picture below). You can also purchase them at the visitor centres, so you don’t need to get one ahead of time unless you want to. They also have a place for stickers that you can purchase with a picture of the park or monument.

We ended up getting one at the end of our last trip because I didn’t really figure out what it was at first. This year we managed to nearly fill up the Rocky Mountain section and so decided to purchase the Passport Explorer Binder at the end of this trip. It is $50US but you can take out or add pages to the different sections. Since we may end up visiting quite a number of National Parks and Monuments in the Rocky Mountain area over the next few years, we decided to pick it up.

 

2. Visitor Centres 

Each park and monument has a visitor centre (or more than one in the case of larger parks like Yellowstone) where you can get information, maps guides, get your passport stamp, sign up for the Jr Ranger program, see educational exhibits as well as purchase souvenirs at the park association store. At most of these store you can buy a membership to the association (for around $30). The parks all have different associations, but if you buy a membership for one, you can use your discount of $10-15% at most of the other association stores.

3. Jr. Ranger Program

Many of the National Parks and Monuments offer the Jr. Ranger Program. In this program, kids learn about science, history, art and nature through completing a series of activities and sharing their answers with the Ranger. The goal is to help kids better appreciate what they are seeing by having material that helps them interact with it at their own level. The kids receive a booklet to complete with different levels required of kids of different ages. Upon completion the kids receive a patch or badge and a Jr. Ranger certificate. I’m am ridiculously excited for Gordie to be old enough to do this but it is only for ages 5-12. Although they will sometimes be lenient for a 4 year old with older siblings. Ultimately though they wants the kids to be able to understand the Jr Ranger oath to protect the area and plants and animals within it and do no harm and as well as the activities themselves.

4. National Park Passes

Most areas will require you to purchase a park pass which costs $10-$25 and is good for a week. You can also purchase an annual pass for $80. There are some areas (such as Mount Rushmore) where a separate organization owns the parking area so you still need to pay for parking even if you have a pass. It’s a good idea to price this out before your trip and consider where you may go over the rest of the year. I was surprised to find that even though we went to 2 national parks and 3 national monuments it was actually cheaper for us to not get the park pass this year.

5. Always Make Sure the Route you are Planning is Passable

Many of the parks are in very unique geographic areas and can have road conditions quite different from the surrounding area. The Going to the Sun Road in Glacier as well as many of the routes in Yellowstone are closed over the winter. The time of year at which they open can vary depending on the weather. It is easy to think that you wouldn’t need to check the road conditions once you have hit June, however we were surprised to find the Road out of Yellowstone through Cody Wyoming was closed due to a slide and we had to amend our route when we got there (significant detour north into montana instead of travelling across WY). I wouldn’t travel to Yellowstone or Glacier again at any time of year without first checking the road conditions.

 

6. Accomodations

Some of the parks such as Yellowstone and Glacier have cabins and lodges that you can stay at inside the park. We had assumed that these would be frightfully expensive but they are price controlled so at least in some cases they are actually cheaper than the hotels outside the park. This does mean that they are not going to be as plush as they might be otherwise though. We stayed at a cabin this year and it was quite small. It had a heater and a small fan, but it would probably be quite hot in the heat and cold in the cold. It did have its own bathroom with a shower but not all the cabins or even all the rooms at the lodge do. Because we did opt for our own bathroom we only had one bed and it was not a generous queen. Which made sleeping a little squishy. They do have cribs that you can get for kids under 2 though.

It is also good to note that they fill up quickly so if you do want to stay inside the park, book ahead. It was challenging to find three days together in Yellowstone when we were booking in December. That being said if you are in a large park like Yellowstone, consider staying in different areas of the park on different nights to make it easier to access different parks of the park. We’re definitely going to try to do that next time we’re in Yellowstone.

7. Read up on the area Before Going – Lots of Hidden Gems

This is one of the things that we had done well last trip, but fell short on this trip. Look around at the tourism websites for the area you are going as well as the national park website to find out about things you may want to see that aren’t quite as famous as Yellowstone or Mount Rushmore. Last year we found out about the ringing rocks of Montana which is a type of rock formation that they have only found in 5 places in the world which sound like a bell when you hit them with a hammer. This year, we ended up missing the Minuteman Missile National Historic Site because it was closed by the time we got there. We hadn’t planned on going to it or Badlands National Park, but they ended up being a lot closer to Rushmore and Devil’s Tower than we had realized when we were planning our trip.

Juggling Being a Crier and a Mommy

I am a crier. Being in control of my tear ducts is not one of my strengths. Although this was not helped by pregnancy hormones, I was a crier long before I was pregnant and I still am.
I don’t just cry when I am sad. I’ve also been known to cry when I’m angry. This was confusing for my friends as a child. I nearly backhanded more than one poor girl who tried to comfort me while I was furious.
But that’s not all. I cry when I’m worn out and stressed too. Often pretty easily. This has sometimes very awkward. I have made many doctors (and 1 dentist) feel confused and perhaps even a little uncomfortable when they have just told me I am fine. And probably just have a viral infection or I need some antibiotics (with the dentist I had a cavity). At any rate I was given information that is completely minor in severity and I am reduced to tears.
I even cried in the front row of a 10 person University class with a disproportionately high workload when we were unable to persuade the professor that we needed an extension for our 30 page paper because it would throw off his schedule. Looking at this, you might think that I cry all the time. And although that is not actually true I do end up crying in front of my son and my handicapped brother more often than I would really like.
I actually think that it’s good for kids to see their parents have emotions and deal with them. I just wish my son didn’t have to have this valuable learning experience quite so often.
Because of my brother I’ve had to deal with this issue for a long time. It causes him distress to see anyone, but especially me, upset. So I am well practiced in the art of crying while assuring someone else that everything is still okay.
Usually what I say is “I’m feeling sad. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes. But I’m okay. I’m just feeling sad right now.” If I can explain why, then try to do that too, but that’s not always easy.
I’d love to know about some other strategies that I could use. What do you do when you cry in front of your kids?

Mother’s Day–Not Every Special Day is Going to be a Good Day

I don’t actually mind the so called ‘Hallmark’ holidays. Having a day to remind you to stop and appreciate your significant other, mother, father what have you, is overall I think a good thing. However, I do sympathize with those who dislike such holidays. It can put a lot of pressure on one day and it can be easy for many to feel left out.

For me, this mother’s day was… I can’t think of the right word, so perhaps I’ll just explain. When I woke up, I just wasn’t feeling well. I had a huge headache and was so emotionally fragile I wouldn’t be surprised if I made people wonder if I was pregnant. I recognized that I was grumpy, irritable and emotional, but sometimes having this level of introspection gets you no closer to being able to control these feelings.

That is not a good start. On top of that, my only child is 2. He doesn’t have a clue about what mother’s day is about. My husband, has many wonderful qualities but he is not likely to help my son do cute mother’s day crafts or anything or tell me just to put my feet up all day. Which really, I respect. I’m not his mother and he has his own mother he needs to try to make feel special that day.

So really it was just a day, and not a very good one. I didn’t even do a very good job of making my mother feel appreciated.

Now really, the day was fine. Gordie was an angel, my husband gave me a rose, and both our families had a lovely dinner together. And that is plenty to feel grateful for.

But in the end, it is just a day, and if it ends up being a bad or disappointing day it doesn’t matter. It’s just one day. Days like these are great opportunities to reflect on the important people who are or who have been in our lives but it’s best not to ascribe them too much meaning. All the other 354 days of the year are just as important. And overall? Those have been great.

It’s Okay to Complain

Now that I’ve given myself permission, I’m going to get right at it. One of the things that drives me bonkers is the idea that you shouldn’t complain because somebody has it worse than you.

I saw this today on twitter. Calgary got snow - actually a fair bit of snow on April 28th.

As you can see this is not an insignificant amount of snow. And is it now the end of April. Very few days this April have felt like spring so understandably people are complaining about it. But yesterday, the Southeast US was hit with massive numbers of tornados leading to a lot of devastation in the area.

Because of this, someone suggested that we shouldn’t complain about the snow because that is so much worse. I take exception to this concept.

Obviously, it is much worse to be in the Southeast US dealing with multiple tornados than in Calgary dealing with a few rogue snowflakes. I can’t imagine who would disagree with that. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong to complain about snow in April.

Yes, sometimes it can put things in perspective to realize that you are actually quite fortunate but where does it end? Do we tell the people in Alabama that they shouldn’t complain because the earthquake in Japan was worse? It sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? But someone always has it worse than you.

I’ve seen this on a smaller scale too with mothers who have lost their babies or aren’t able to have babies telling women who are struggling with adjusting to motherhood or sleepless nights that they shouldn’t complain because at least they have babies. My heart goes out to these women. I truly wish that everyone who wanted to have a baby was able to. But their personal tragedies does not negate the difficulties of motherhood. Just because someone has it worse does not mean that your complaints are not legitimate.

Do people sometimes complain too much? Sure. Are some people a little overly dramatic about the minor inconveniences of life? Absolutely. But one person’s complaint in no way takes away from the reality of someone else’s difficulties. So as far as I’m concerned, complain away.